omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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