Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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