So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
