how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
