i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
