The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
And then he peed in my hair
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
