Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
