Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
