how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
this boner is exhausting
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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