States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
