So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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