Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Randomize
