TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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