2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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