Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
