my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Dick very happy bro
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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