there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
My cat gives me a boner
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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