he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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