I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
