Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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