God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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