Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
