Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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