I wish life had little blips of pornography
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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