Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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