put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
