bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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