When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
