Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
