well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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