My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
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