Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
