We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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