No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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