God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
