One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
When did angry sex become our thing?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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