I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize