he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
