whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
