all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
