Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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