I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
