Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
