I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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