there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
