U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
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