If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
