i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
