I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
