i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
