That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
