Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
