good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
