One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
