I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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