it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
