I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
