$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
