In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
