Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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