Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
