Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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