I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
