Four minutes until I can fart!
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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