dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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