her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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