Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
