I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Are we still banned from the library?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
